Everyone should know at least one clean joke. Cs193k is over an hour and a half long, so I try to tell a joke about halfway along, but I've run out of my "A" material already. Please help me out by submitting your candidate clean joke. Try to avoid offending too many people. Just use the "Add record" button to add and sign your own joke. You can use HTML such as <br> and <p> in the text.
All 80 records...
| Joke Text | |
|---|---|
| Sun Feb 1 07:23:07 2009 68.248.31.190 | |
| Q: What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drinker?
A: You don't have to go to school. | Sun Feb 1 07:22:38 2009 68.248.31.190 |
| A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About
two hours." In a little while, Bill, the Barber's friend, comes into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, what's so funny?" Bill says, "You know that guy that comes in here all the time to ask how long you're gonna be busy?" The barber says, "Yeah, but he never comes in for a haircut...I wonder where he goes after he asks me that." Bill looks up and says, "To screw your wife"
"Clean Jokes page"? This is more like a raw jokes page ;-) Funny though. - da Hulo This is wack! Junk! Trash! | Fri Dec 28 06:51:17 2007 137.246.207.202 |
| Very short joke: A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "This is a stupid damn joke, take it back with the receipt to the damn store". | Fri Dec 1 15:19:39 2006 207.179.172.217 |
| Two cows are standing in a field.
First cow says to the other, "So are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease going around?" Second cow goes, "Why should I be? I'm a squirrel."
| Fri Nov 24 08:34:29 2006 61.95.148.11 |
| Fri Apr 9 22:31:03 2004 24.80.111.56 | |
| Noah had unloaded the Ark and commanded each pair of animals to "Go forth and multiply". But when he checked to see if the ark was empty, he found two little snakes huddled in a dark corner. He spoke to the snakes and said, "Little snakes, little snakes, didn't you hear my command to go forth and multiply?" To which the snakes answered,
"We can't, we're adders."
Nick adds this extension to the joke: Noah thinks for a moment, and says, "that's ok, just go over there and use that table made of logs." | Fri Apr 27 11:09:07 2001 171.64.64.167 |
| Mon Feb 12 10:52:04 2007 216.145.226.38 | |
| Q: What's the difference between an alcoholic and a stoner?
A: An alcoholic runs through a stop sign. A stoner waits for it to turn to green | Tue Feb 20 11:24:55 2007 66.4.125.11 |
| Four hockey fans are mountain climbing.Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team. One from Edmonton, one from Calgary, one from Toronto & the other from Montreal. As they climb higher and higher, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular hockey team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Calgary takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "This is for the Calgary Flames!" Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from Toronto throws himself off the mountain, | Sun Feb 1 07:24:14 2009 68.248.31.190 |
| What do you get when you cross an elephant and a blueberry? Which ever obese woman would happen to be in the vincinity. If you look at the average, which is 2 tons for an elephant and inconsequential for a blueberry and you obtain the average, you get 1 ton. What do you get when you cross a goat and a mountain climber? You can't, a mountain climber is a scalar. yes, I know these aren't actually that funny unless you are a total nerd. | Tue Mar 23 16:27:26 2004 24.193.131.146 |
| Question: What do you call a cow masturbating in a field? Answer: Beef stroganoff. | Fri Dec 1 15:21:18 2006 207.179.172.217 |
| Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey, nice bike! Where'd you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!'" "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway." | Thu May 31 18:36:15 2001 128.12.50.57 |
| A couple was golfing on an exclusive course surrounded by million dollar homes. As they prepared to tee off, the husband warned the wife to try to stay away from the houses. "We couldn't afford to replace any of those huge windows," he said. Sure enough, the wife slices one right into a window. The couple walk over, knock on the door, and hear someone say "Come on in". They enter and see broken glass on the carpet, and the golf ball next to a broken antique bottle. A man sitting on the couch asks, "Is this your golf ball?" "Yeah, we're really sorry," said the husband. "Actually, I want to thank you," said the man. "You see, I'm a genie and have been trapped in that bottle for over 1,000 years. I can grant three wishes when I've been released, but since you did it accidentally, I'll give you each one wish and keep the final one for myself. What do you wish for?" The husband wished for a million dollars a year for the rest of his life. "Done!" replied the genie. The wife then wished for a new house in every country of the world. "Done!" said the genie. "Now for my wish. I've been trapped alone for over 1,000 years. I wish to have sex with your wife." The husband thinks for a moment, then tells the wife, "Well, he's given us what we want, so I guess that I don't mind." So the wife and the genie head upstairs to a bedroom. After two hours of ravishing the woman, the genie rolls over and looks at the wife. "By the way," he asks, "how old is your husband?" "Thirty-five" she replies. "Wow!" he says. "35 years old and he still believes in genies ... amazing, isn't it?" | Sun May 6 02:13:18 2001 171.66.165.179 |
| There is a huge philosopher's convention at the local hotel. All the great philosophers are there. Pascal is one of the last ones to arrive, and at the front desk he is told that his reservation was lost, and there are no more rooms at the hotel. "This is preposterous!" he exclaims. "Where can I spend the night, the entire town has no vacancies!" The desk clerk tells him that he may try to find one of his philosopher friends to share a room with him. He knocks on the first door, and Plato opens it. Pascal explains his problem, but Plato is already sharing his room with Sartre, and that's depressing enough. So, Pascal tries the next room. Descartes opens the door. He has had a long day, and is in a bit of a bad mood. Pascal asks to share the room. Descartes replies haughtily "Share my room?!? I think NOT!". And *poof*, he disappears in a cloud of anti-smoke. | Mon May 7 09:24:47 2001 209.19.150.97 |
| I thought this one was appropos for a programming class: So the Devil and Jesus have been arguing over who is mightier, finally they decide to settle the question once and for all. They decide that they will code for 24 hours, to create a great program, and whoevers is best will win. They decide that God will be the judge. So, they begin, and they are coding furiously, smoke coming off the keyboard as their fingers fly. Just before the time has run out, a huge thunderstorm starts, though they code without stopping. Lightning crashes down all around, and finally hits their computers. When the lighting clears, God appears, saying "time is up", The Devil says, "I have nothing to show, the lightning shorted my computer". Jesus smiles serenely and reboots, then runs his program. The devil is shocked, he says"I just don't understand, i saw the lightning hit you too, how could this be???" God smiles and says "Jesus saves." Submitted by Erica | Sat May 12 15:31:44 2001 128.12.159.88 |
| What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. Addition: The Zen Buddhist asks for change and the hot dog vendor says "change comes from within" | Thu May 17 19:48:06 2001 128.12.101.51 |
| the year 2000 and all that came with it.
Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life. He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that. The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie. Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "Is it over?" he asked. "Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?" The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet. "That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?" "Well," said the spokesman. "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL". | Mon May 8 21:07:30 2006 68.149.69.6 |
| Ok, Ok, I hate light bulb jokes as well, but this one is funny.
How many Stanford professors does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven. One to change the light bulb and ten to co-author the paper. | Wed May 16 08:25:24 2001 209.19.150.97 |
| Sun Oct 28 19:36:21 2007 76.177.17.20 | |
| An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" | Sun May 20 18:17:53 2001 24.10.28.207 |
| The ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything to get him to do well in school, but nothing worked. Finally they enrolled him in a Catholic school. From his first day, the boy spent every night poring over books. When his first report card came, he had received an A in math. "Son," his father asked, "what made the difference in math class? The nuns? The textbooks?" "Dad, I had never taken math seriously before," the boy admitted. "But when I walked in and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew this place meant business!" | Fri Dec 5 17:53:11 2008 76.232.157.92 |
| There was three people in a car shutup, manners, and poop, they were driving to fast and poop fell out. so shutup went to the police station. the police oficer ask him what his name was he answered "shutup" "weres your manners" asked the oficer. "on the street picking up poop" | Fri Jul 8 22:36:46 2005 210.84.121.179 |
| A man and a woman are involved in a terrible car accident. Both of the cars are completely demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. The woman crawls out and says to the man, "Wow! That's incredible that we're both unscathed. This must be a sign that we're meant for each other". The man eagerly agrees. So the woman says, "Wow! Here's another miracle. I had a bottle of wine in here that didn't break. Let's drink to celebrate our good fortune!" She gives the bottle to the man, who immediately drinks half of it, then gives it back to her. The woman promptly puts the cap back on the bottle. The man asks "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police." | Sun May 20 23:13:59 2001 128.12.73.39 |
| two ducks on a pond. " - QUACK QUACK QUACK - Hey! That's my line!" | Tue May 22 22:40:30 2001 128.12.149.52 |
| Two morons are playing chess. Two more walk in and say - "hey lets play doubles" | Mon May 28 11:19:41 2001 192.9.25.21 |
| Two blondes were walking in the countryside one day when they came across some tracks. The first blonde said, "Oh look, deer tracks!" To which the second blonde replied, "Those aren't deer tracks, there moose tracks and a train hits him.
(I don't know why more people can't appreciate that this is the funniest blonde joke ever. -nari) | Fri Apr 10 07:58:52 2009 70.234.150.195 |
| Tue Jan 4 17:09:25 2005 4.3.198.97 | |
| On The Importance of Correct Punctuation Dear Bill: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours? Hilary Dear Bill: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Hilary | Wed Jun 6 09:22:54 2001 128.12.149.52 |
| Tue Jan 1 06:42:59 2008 12.104.204.212 | |
| A pimp, a drunk, and a stoner die and go to hell. They meet the devil, who is in a particularly twisted mood that day. So he decides to give them all punishments according to their sins. He takes the drunk to a room full of every type of alcohol known to man - whisky, tequila, you name it, it's there. The drunk takes one look, rushes in, grabs a bottle in both hands and starts chugging. The devil locks him in the room and says "I'll come check on you in 100 years." He next takes the pimp to a room full of every type of woman - fat, thin, blonde, brunette, every conceivable combination. The lech takes one look, rushes in, grabs a woman in each hand and starts fondling them. The devil locks him in the room and says "I'll come check on you in 100 years." Finally, he takes the stoner to a room full of every smokable substance ever made - cannibis, hemp, tobacco, the works. The stoner gazes around with a huge grin on his face and walks in and sits in the middle of the room. The devil locks him in as well with the promise that he'll check on him in 100 years. --100 years pass-- The devil opens the door to the drunk's room. The drunk has consumed everything in the room, and he's covered with vomit and feces and stinks like crazy. The drunk looks up at the devil with bloodshot eyes and groans, "I'll never drink again!" The devil decides he's learned his lesson and lets him go free. Next he goes to the pimps room. As soon as he opens the door the pimp runs out screaming "I'm F--ING GAY!!" The devil decides he's also learned his lesson and lets him go free. Finally, the devil gets to the room with the stoner and opens the door. The stoner is still sitting in the middle of the room, with all the weed around him. He turns, looks at the devil with tears rolling down his face, and says, "Got a light?" | Sun Apr 11 08:10:48 2004 66.190.2.76 |
| What do you call a girl with no arms and legs swinging on a swing? ........a girl with no arms and legs swinging on a swing! kil wHAT IS THE GIRLS NAME WHO ONLY HAS ONE LEG? i LEAN eILEEN | Thu Jan 23 12:10:31 2003 65.67.204.152 |
| How do you know an elephant when through a fridge? foot prints in the butter. | Mon Jul 2 13:15:34 2001 65.5.206.119 |
| How do you hide money from a hippie? Put it under the soap | Fri Sep 18 12:52:44 2009 216.43.55.66 |
| Why do cows wear bells? Beacause their horns don't work. | Wed Mar 27 19:04:52 2002 64.231.58.243 |
| A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested - "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?" The marriage officer said, "You're requirements please." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand. You need a television." | Tue Apr 2 17:31:10 2002 128.125.71.133 |
| A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the clerk. "The parrot used to work in the whore house; when they got arrested the police brought us the bird. The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith." | Tue Jun 14 15:44:50 2005 207.6.160.164 |
| Three guys died; when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them and said, I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big! The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, How long were you married? The first guy says, 24 years. Did you ever cheat on your wife? Peter asked. The guy said, Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven. Peter said, Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive. The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out. Peter said, I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Lincoln. The third guy walked up and said, Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen! Peter said, That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar! A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said, I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard! | Tue Apr 2 17:32:46 2002 128.125.71.133 |
| Shaggy and Britney Spears were up a tree, someone farted Shaggy said "it was'nt me", and Britney said "oops i did it again". The next day Craig David was there and they were all on the train, someone farted oops i did it again thats how brittney gt her song | Tue Mar 16 12:10:39 2004 169.204.238.54 |
| cool site love the content http://www.jokes123.com | Mon Oct 14 09:00:49 2002 202.78.97.16 |
| A drunk old man walks into a bar...............................OUCH!!!!!!!!!!kk THAT IS GREAT GOOD ONE LOL (SMA)OK-K-K | Sat Jan 15 00:24:56 2005 24.223.188.118 |
| Billy Graham was out for a walk one day, and just for a moment, he lost his faith !!! and He ALMOST DROWNED !!!! | Thu Sep 2 16:31:24 2004 129.46.88.174 |
| THREE BLONDES WALK INTO A BAR ... YOUD THINK ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE SEEN IT LOL | Sat Jan 15 00:16:24 2005 24.223.188.118 |
| YOUR SO STUPID YOU STUDIED FOR A DRUG TEST LOL SUBMITTED BY SMA | Sat Jan 15 00:26:11 2005 24.223.188.118 |
| why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? to get to the bottom | Wed Oct 3 16:16:51 2007 209.94.221.164 |
| Three women were walking in a vegetable garden stealing some vegetables. One was blonde, one was brown, and one was red. Each had a potatoe sack. When the cops came, each jumped into the sack. The cop cmae by the first sack and the brown said "MEOW". The cop went by the second bag and the red said "WOOF". The cop went by the third sack and the blonde said "POTATOES". | Tue Jan 11 08:36:55 2005 207.232.181.254 |
| A BLONDE IS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD AND SEES ANOTHER BLONDE IN A FEILD IN A ROW BOAT ROWING AND ROWING SO SHE STOPS ROLLS DOWN HER WINDOW AND YELLS AND SAID HEY ITS BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE THE REST OF US BLONDES BAD REPS... HAVING NO REACTION FROM THE OTHER BLONDE SHE YELLS AGAIN.. YOU KNOW IF I COULD SWIM I WOULD KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF!! | Sat Jan 15 00:21:39 2005 24.223.188.118 |
| YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE RAN SEA WORLD OUT OF BUSINESS | Tue Apr 25 09:54:09 2006 156.63.101.132 |
| ~BLONDE JOKE~ < A little birdie told me this!> There was this Blonde who always wore head phones,and she wanted a haircut, so she went to the barber shop and asked for a haircut. The barber said "sit down in a chair and i'll get the scissors", he then later came back and asked her to please remove her head phones. She said "I can't" again he asked her to remove them. This time she said "If I do i'll die". The barberer being curios to what she was listening to, took the head phones and heard "Breath in.... Breath out..... Breath in..... Breath out". ~LOL~HAHAHAHAHEHEHEEH!!!!! ~You know you like it!..... It was funny when I first heard it! *********La Flaca************AKA Maggie | Wed Feb 2 14:53:03 2005 69.69.145.110 |
| YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE HAD TO GET BAPTIZED AT SEAWORLD by lucky720042003@yahoo.com | Thu Mar 10 12:49:02 2005 68.224.164.102 |
| yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund by lucky720042003@yahoo.com or babydoll67045@hotmail.com | Thu Mar 10 12:54:17 2005 68.224.164.102 |
| how to drown a blond step 1 get a scratch and sniff sticker 2 put it at the bottom of the pool 3 get a blond 4 put inthe water and tell her to go scratch and sniff by lucky720042003@yahoo.com | Thu Mar 10 12:57:40 2005 68.224.164.102 |
| yo momma so fat her butcheeks look like 2 hamsters fightin over a milkdud by lucky720042003@yahoo.com or babydoll67045@hotmail.com | Thu Mar 10 12:59:45 2005 68.224.164.102 |
| yo momma so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested for mooning | Fri Dec 14 13:10:13 2007 209.94.217.87 |
| yo momma got so many crabs the kids said whats for dinner she jumped on the table open her legs and said CRABS by lucky720042003@yahoo.com or babydoll67045@hotmail.com | Thu Mar 10 13:02:48 2005 68.224.164.102 |
| humpty dumpty sat on a pool. humpty dumpty thought he was cool. humpty dumpty fell off a pool. humpty dumpty wasnt cool. By:corey wilson | Thu May 11 18:07:55 2006 205.188.116.139 |
| Q.Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? A.Because He was looking for poo! | Wed Jun 8 12:43:53 2005 62.123.5.40 |
| your momma is like humpty dumpty first she got humped then she got dumped | Wed Jun 22 19:47:40 2005 207.200.116.130 |
| A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars." The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?" The MBA ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent". | Mon Apr 16 10:59:56 2007 195.93.21.10 |
| a why did the robber take the bath ? to make a clean get away | Tue Jan 24 16:00:38 2006 203.51.156.100 |
| why did the elephant cross the road? because it was the chickens day off | Tue Oct 27 17:24:20 2009 24.16.127.166 |
| a horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" | Thu Feb 9 02:29:35 2006 72.130.91.49 |
| a bear walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "waddya want?". The Bear replies, "I'll have a beer.....................and a sandwhich." The bartender says "Why the big PAWS?" | Thu Feb 9 02:30:53 2006 72.130.91.49 |
| YO MOMMA'S SO FAT, WHEN SHE PUTS ON A RED SWEATER ALL THE KIDS START WAVING THEIR HANDS IN THE AIR AND CHANT "KOOL-AID! KOOL-AID!" | Thu Feb 9 02:32:20 2006 72.130.91.49 |
| I was walking down the road one day and i seen your dad and called him a fag and he hit me with his purse lol!!!! | Fri Feb 17 12:18:46 2006 24.214.209.79 |
| Yo momma so fat, she uses a schoolbus for a skatebord. | Mon Oct 23 22:56:54 2006 198.161.121.2 |
| whay hi pie ahahahha | Sun May 7 13:35:18 2006 137.186.181.128 |
| a bear and a rabbit are in a bar having a beer together and the bear says do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says "no" so the bear picks the rabbit up and whipes his ass with him.by danny k. thats awful and when did the bear take a shit? | Thu Jul 13 10:10:23 2006 198.53.109.95 |
| A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why? ... Do you think they really look alike?" "No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!" | Wed Aug 9 12:58:09 2006 65.219.111.3 |
| One day a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. The bear was very hungry, and just then they come to a clearing which they haven't encountered before. In the middle, was a pond with a single lilly pad. On that lilly pad was a frog. "HALT!" says the frog in a voice that makes the bear and rabbit stop dead in their tracks... "I know I do not look it, but I am a very powerful Genie. Since you two are the first to stumble upon my pond in the past century, I will grant you each... 3 wishes..." The rabbit and the bear are liking the idea, and stop the chase. The bear speaks first... "I wish I was the only male bear in the forest!" "It is done," said the frog, "and what of you?" The rabbit says... "I wish I had a helmet" "it is done," and poof a helmet on his head. The bear is now thinking "what an idiot! he could wish for money and then buy as many helmets as he wants... but whatever." "Frog!" says the bear "You know what? I actually want all the bears in the COUNTRY to be female except for me..." "It is done" says the frog. The rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle" "it is done" says the frog. Once again the bear is thinking... "IDIOT!" but he is too occupied and overwelmed with excitement to let the rabbit distract him. "FROG! I WANT ALL THE BEARS IN THE WORLD, save me, TO BE FEMALE!" "It is done" said the frog. Now the bear is dancing around with more excitement than he's ever had in his life. The rabbit just revs his engine and says "i wish he were gay" | Sat Oct 28 18:29:25 2006 216.105.214.117 |
| Three guys, Shut-up,Manners,and Poop,drove too fast and Poop fell out of the car.Shut-up went to the police station,where the policeman asked,"What's yuor name?" "Shut-up," he answered."Hey-where are your manners!"the policeman exclaimed.Shut-up replied,"Outside on the road,scrapin' up Poop!"jjj | Fri Dec 8 08:08:14 2006 68.224.183.31 |
| What do you get when you cross a big cow? A big FATT hefeir! | Tue Apr 3 15:51:43 2007 70.181.14.147 |
| A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bar tender says, "What is this -- some kinda' joke?" | Sat May 12 18:39:03 2007 70.181.192.208 |
| POLITICAL stuip | Fri May 16 18:43:07 2008 67.235.207.191 |
| what did one boy say to the other is that yo mama cause she straight down ugly | Sat Nov 17 06:45:26 2007 24.164.177.220 |
Phone conversation between Robert and James: Robert: My friend, I´ve been hacked… James: What happened!!! Robert: The computer hanged up, but I could trace who sneaked in… James: Was it an agency??? NSA? CIA? FBI? Robert: No, it was the army under a general´s command James: How could you trace that? Robert: The computer showed a blue screen and the message shown was “Error 591234: GENERAL FAILURE”…
Posted by Franz (La Paz-Bolivia) =) | Wed Jan 30 06:44:15 2008 200.105.166.17 |
| why do calgary players drink their tea out of sacers? because edmonton has all the cups | Mon Feb 25 17:50:34 2008 142.165.93.162 |
| How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go bike riding. | Fri Apr 10 07:47:48 2009 70.234.150.195 |
| humpty dumpty sat on a wall humpty dumpty fucked a fat hore all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fucked her again | Thu Apr 30 06:33:09 2009 91.195.183.213 |
| why is it dangerous to tell jokes to humpty dumpty | Mon Oct 19 18:18:30 2009 75.62.243.150 |
80 records